Eight dollars worth of McDonald's is never a good idea... these are the times I shouldn't trust the gut. I should trust my slow turn. I no longer trust the French and their footballing skills but I shoulda known: if it is something that I want and manage to touch, it will surely turn to shit. I will mourn this one on my own and save the antics/heroics for a later time.
I never aimed to be a bad guy. I am not a bad guy. If I happen to be incorrigible is another story. All I ever wanted was a peaceful drunk and a chance at writing poems that make me happy. I've lost 95 lbs. I wear a size 36 waist (down from a 44 a year ago). If you see my soul, pick it up and put it in a mailbox, it is postage paid already. Everything I've ever tried to pursue was honestly. I am sorry if it didn't come across that way. Someday it'll be through you and above you. Say something nice into that hollow that knows no sound: even in emptiness we can have a record of great love and kind words. Trust the truth will etch itself into the lining.
One day, when it has all past, remember me kindly. I always believed blindly in you. No heroics, please. No more twelve dollar drinks, no more aberrant fears and dromedary blues. Don't let's go to the dogs tonight. Let's enjoy the paleness of the blue eyes without pretense and repercussion. Let's make a true stab at humanity. Let's stop me from continuing this crap. I have run my course. I will be a legionnaire. I will be a corsair. I will be a lesser Rimbaud: I will forsake that which makes me in order to run guns across the Mahgreb. That guy you knew... he is gone; but when he turned, he turned slowly.
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1 comment:
"i think your heart grows back bigger ya know, once you get the shit beat out of you. And the universe lets your heart expand that way, cause thats the function of all this pain and heartache that you go through and you gotta go through that to come out to a better place"
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